“You are not getting any younger”. “Yes, true love can wait, but the biological
clock won’t.” “Do you think there is something wrong with you?” “What hinders
you from committing into relationships lately?” “Don’t you think you are too
picky?”
These are
the most common questions friends and I get to hear from random people. I couldn’t
care less most of the time, especially when it comes from those whose opinion
don’t matter to me. Yep, I may be mean and stubborn but I don’t think I am
obliged to explain myself. Come on, I do not follow a strict timeline for this
thing, and I am sticking to my belief that it is better to adopt a child with
the right one than have biological children with the wrong individual.
The very
same questions came about last night, and yes, it did matter this time. I was
with my closest pals in a cottage in the countryside, and after a few shots of
what seemed to be the worst tasting spirit that triggered my allergy, we
decided to talk about our common denominator- being single.
I can’t speak
for everyone, but I wanted to give my views justice.
Just like everyone
else, I am emotional, but I can be the most unemotional as well. What does that
make me then? You bet! I was looking for the word, human. See, they can label us cold or apathetic when we don’t care,
but we are more than loving, caring and supportive when we feel something, or more
appropriately in this context, someone, deserves it.
I thought
about the relationships I had been through when I was younger, and I realized
how my view of things had changed.
Here are
some of them:
1. A beautiful person, not just a
pretty face. Let’s
admit it. Looks are overrated when we are looking for a partner. You’ve read
that correctly. We live in the world where the desire for physical
attractiveness is placed ahead of many other considerations. Don’t get me
wrong, I believe physical appearance is essential, yet it is just the bare
minimum. I believe it can’t stand alone. You see, just like a shell, it can
withstand tests, but it will eventually get old over time. If the person’s inner qualities aren’t the
ones you can actually embrace, it’s a waste of time. There is nothing more
frustrating than being a beautiful couple treating each other like trash. The standard
for dates should be something that revolves around how enjoyable the person’s
company can be; how better your life becomes in someone’s presence and how
positive an individual made you feel. Now pour that positivity into a good-looking
person. Didn’t it just evolve into something more than gorgeous? The deeper
your emotional investment in someone, the more beautiful he/she becomes, and
that is not merely skin deep.
2. The real deal. Some traits are just more seductive
than others- and they last quite longer. Imagine finding someone with the perfect
face and/or body who makes a good eye candy and gives you a good sex, but has
no thirst whatsoever about life. This person seems not to possess curiosity in even
the most interesting of topics, doesn’t want a career, and worse, do not give
even just the simplest inputs to your conversations. Can you stand talks that
do not go beyond a friend’s relationship with person X, or distaste over
someone else’s lack of loyalty? Maturity means wider experiences, better education,
visible achievements, which in turn leads to a clearer picture of where the
person is heading in life, and for this matter, in the relationship. We want to be with persons who are passionate
about what they do in a manner that we are constantly drawn in, making us feel
we have to back them up even when they can succeed on their own. Passion doesn’t
stop, and it goes to everything done in our lives. Yes, you got it right. Nothing
can pull passionate people away from what they set their eyes into (and that
includes you). Didn’t we want to be with the ones who make life even more
interesting? It pays to be with someone who delivers an intellectual trade-off.
3. Zeal for one’s uniqueness. Huh! “Be yourself”, that’s easier
said than done. The true test of love goes with our willingness to concede our
self-centered interests, making successful relationship a product of mutual efforts.
As someone who had a foreign boyfriend, I can say that culture, and the things
that go with it, can somehow be sneaky. You see, when you are deeply in love,
you tend to be more open to “alternative” views, and thus, become accommodating
of diversities. With values and culture being closely related, the clashing views
on what is beneficial, acceptable, and beautiful can never be discounted. Values
or belief systems do not change much, especially if they are something that uniquely
defines identity. But, even though you belong to one general background, your
personal views and practices will definitely vary, so nobody is really spared,
anyway. Aren’t we more interested in something beyond usual? Imagine dating a person who works in the same
field with you. What is left for you to talk about? For sure, it would be
refreshing to hear something new at the end of the day. Uniqueness paves way for us to stand out; that
is something that makes you pick the person from the crowd. Of course, if we
share similarities with our partner, things can be a lot easier as we strive
for the same thing. As no two people are exactly alike, loving someone for
their uniqueness becomes an important foundation of any relationship.
See? Am
asking too much? It’s not about being picky. People just have their set of preferences;
a variation of standards. I know I am not getting any younger, but don’t you
think that explains my mature choices? I don’t think there is something wrong
with being single. In fact, it gives people more leeway to improve themselves,
and be someone desirable to those they also want to be with. Getting into a
relationship is not a race against time. Rather, it is something that requires
time for polishing the ragged edges of one’s personality that endangers
relationships. When the time comes that I can find a beautiful person who has
something to trade off given our unique characteristics, I don’t intend to walk
away.
If there is
something that hinders me from committing, that would be the uncertainly of
being able to give what someone I love deserves. Something chosen out of haste
and can only last until they are out of sight, but something you work hard for
can only get better with time.
*** To Angel, Anne, Vito, Jed, Kent, and newly found friends
Alex, and Dave Shipper, you guys are on my mind when I started ticking the keyboard. See how topics like
this can trigger even my most sleep-deprived brain. Haha.
