Monday, May 4, 2015

Of blogposts you wish you won't write ever

Some blog posts meant something very personal to the blogger that no matter how much views they get, they still aren't worth to compensate for the loss. It goes beyond just the figures and the demographics of the blog visitors.

Beyond all the views lie brokenness, sleepless nights thinking of that special person you've lost, and the intensity of the heartache while writing the posts many would actually be intrigued to read. When I wrote posts for David, I was doing it coz I needed to pour out the emotions. You know that feeling when you feel like shouting and even if you do, it’s just not enough. Part of you is missing, and trying to put the pieces together isn't just difficult but impossible. 

I know Dave is happier wherever he is. He had done so much in his lifetime. I have lost a dear friend, someone very special that we can talk about everything.  The views tell me how dear he is to many, and that though things didn't go as we planned, I am still fortunate I have known him. Say what you wanna say, but for me Dave’s the “one who got away”. Blogging about loss had helped me so much. Every time I look at the maps of where the viewers are from, there is that feeling I actually knew them. They’re from places Dave had been to before or where his friends live. Perhaps they are the people he told me about, or those I have known as well.

What really made me smile is the fact that my profile gets viewed half the time.  If not for Dave’s or my friends who had given their words of comfort, I wouldn't be able to take a look at all these in a positive light. Every now and then, I miss him and our conversations. He would always say, “Never let things you cannot change ruin your day”. I can still remember that clearly. So, I had to go on doing what makes me happy, chasing my dreams, and be the best I can be.  For sure, that’s what he would still tell me.