shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I just wish you’ll never say that again. That’s what exactly is going through my mind everytime we talk. I want to say it, but no such statements can be uttered. I have never been afraid to make decisions. I always value my views and weigh things up before doing something further just because I hate to have regrets. But with this, I don’t think I would go much senseless. I know it is wrong, but how can it feel so damn right?!

Depicting sturdiness is quite a justification for people to say things that will hurt me. I didn’t want to think of myself as a narrow minded individual but I always feel offended each time I hear disapproving things about you. How can they be so cruel to judge you? Or me? Us? I uphold peace of mind by paying no heed, but the rumors can hardly be taken that easy. My friends are frank with their concerns, but I know I can’t leave you behind. Why do you have to deserve the benefit of the doubt? Why am I so hooked up with you? Why is it so difficult to live every single day without thinking of you? I’m falling… I’m getting crazy…and I am aware but can’t help myself!

With all the fellows I have messed up and the feelings I have hurt, I guess this is karma. The harshest form there is. I have by no means thought of feeling this way to you… but how can you be so cruel being on my mind the first thing at daybreak and the last one as I doze off to dreamland. It would be hypocrisy to say you are not important. When I loved (and lost it), I wanted to be stupid to have the ultimate excuse doing the obviously nonsense things. That I can be understood just because I didn’t have the intellectual capacity to think. That I don’t know what’s wrong from right. That I am incapable of telling which can be done, and which remains impossible no matter how hard I try. I have always yearned to deny this, but now I realize I may mislead others, but I can never lie to myself.

The wall I was trying to maintain between us has blundered. I am in no way seeking for affection from others; I was always showered with it all my life. Despite this, you are the very person who made me feel absolutely loved. I can’t point the exact reason, but I’m certain it is your fault. You made me fall into you all at once, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to rescue myself. I am almost always satisfied with what I have, but I can never be contented without you being a part of my day.

Thank you for making me feel important. For being thoughtful and caring… for believing in me, sharing your dreams and ideals, above all, for the TIME.

I believe I am a pessimist but how can I be so upbeat when it comes to you? It’s quite a long, awful journey, and now I know what the real meaning of loving is- it is the ability to accept the most negative thing about someone. It doesn’t really matter what they say, after all, it will be us who will define our future together. Who are they to judge us when they don’t even know what true love is?