Saturday, August 21, 2010
Tonight when the silence.....
Tonight when the silence is deafening, and the darkness overwhelming, I found myself hopelessly thinking of you. As the rain pours, I can’t help but wonder what you are up to. We’ve been apart for such a time that sometimes I think I don’t need you in my life any longer, but I was wrong. Just the other night when we had the rare chance to talk, I am so sure that even if it has slackened, the feeling is still there. At least a tick of it at that moment. The distance between us and the silence you uphold have made every conversation divine. It was then when I realized that I’m up for another trouble. I have never really wanted to think about it, but the possibility is so big, it’s so damn difficult to deny.
All through this time, you know how much I have looked up to you. You are at far, one of the most adorable persons I have ever met in my life, and you know that. No questions asked. Beyond this, however, I firmly believe we also deserve our own happiness. The past two years of silence and waiting have been too far to bear anymore. It is beyond my standard doing the things I have done for you. I have swallowed my pride, sometimes maybe even got ridiculed, but I never did care. Who are they anyway to judge me? There have been some supporting people around, and I always thank them for keeping the faith in the possibilities that we can work it out. I guessed I have done my part, countless times, now it’s about time to do your’s.
Every single moment I have the chance to look back to the quite colorful, unofficial past, I figured out that the freedom I have given, thinking you deserve to live your dreams is the very thing that took us apart. Not just by miles or oceans, but by hearts. If only you felt the pain I had that night we saw each other last, maybe you’ll realize it isn’t just as simple as you thought it was. It was you who started this in my life. When you expressed your feelings for me in front of our friends and colleagues, I never thought I would be much happier. It was you who introduce the colorful days filled with love and attention. It was you who taught me how painful goodbyes are, and how difficult are the “moving-ons”.
The changes you have made in my life are enormous. If given the chance to relive that period, I’ll still choose to have the moments we had together. I have never regretted meeting you, knowing you, getting closed to you, above all, loving you. You taught me the meaning of love other than the one I have been enjoying in my lifetime. You know how much I do.
Though it’s quite impossible for both of us to regain the emotions we once have shared, I always want you to be happy, to love, and be loved in return. Thanks for the sincerity you show in any given chance we have to talk. God knows how thankful I am having you on the other line- sounding unchanged.
Thanks for the love you had had for me. It will always be here in my heart- treasured and remembered. Yes, I have told you I love you, but that doesn’t mean I will spend this entire lifetime waiting for the uncertain feeling you may never have for me anymore. If this love is for us to share, then it will find its way back in time. For now, let’s explore the freedom we have, trying to find our own happiness. I love you ,be happy~~~^^